Friday 11 July 2014

Motherhood's Change: the highs and lows Part 1

Blogging has definitely fallen to the wayside as I maneuver this new journey called motherhood.  I have a precious 9.5 month old baby boy who I love dearly and who has done a complete overhaul on my family's life.

To say that my husband and I lived a great life pre-baby was an understatement!  With stable, well paying jobs, great friends, amazing family, and our own house, we tried to make every moment count!  We travelled to Scotland and the UK, Mexico several times, various Canadian locations and went for road trips in the United States.  We were able to renovate our home (although it is still an ongoing project, probably for life!) and had many fun nights (some more intoxicated than others...) in the presence of amazing people.  However through all of this we had a longing for something more, for SOMEONE more.  We decided to start trying for a baby and after many months discovered we each had somewhat of an infertility issue to battle.  Obviously, a period of tears and depression followed at the thought that we may not be able to extend our family as we had been dreaming for 4 years.  We were referred to a fertility clinic in a neighbouring city in September 2012, and our wait until our appointment in February 2013 began.  In the meantime we tried to keep busy, we prayed a lot, renovated even more (ick!), and waited for our appointment to hear our next step.

Early one morning in late January, 2 weeks before our fertility clinic appointment, a nagging in my heart roused me from bed to take a pregnancy test.  POSITIVE! Against all odds and years of trying, God had blessed us with our miracle!

Fast forward through an uneventful pregnancy--it is so amazing how much your own body feels like it belongs to someone else during that 8+ months--I have to say, while I felt so thankful to have that baby inside me, I was definitely ready for him to vacate the premises once the time came.  Our son Rhett was born in September 2013; he was perfect, precious, and was loved very deeply immediately. 

Looking back now on the first few weeks of motherhood, it is hard to remember them being anything but special, our old "selfish" way of life cast aside to care for this tiny, helpless new being.  In reality, there were moments of sheer terror, pain, and many tears in the first few weeks.  I DO vividly remember one instance of engorgement in the beginning of our breastfeeding journey where I literally felt like a cow being milked.  Horribly embarrassing at the time, but my mother (the milker) and I (the milkee) now look back on it with A LOT of laughter.

 I had many lofty goals for my year long maternity leave from work....I planned to learn Spanish (HAHAHA), exercise everyday (HAHAHAHAHAHA), use cloth diapers, make my own baby food, etc. etc. etc.  Needless to say, I realised very quickly that I wasn't going to accomplish the majority of these goals, and instead made new ones: get out of pajamas everyday (mostly accomplished), try get out of the house once a day (for sanity's sake), try to keep the house one step above hoarder-level mess (barely accomplished).  In hindsight, I now know that so many things you think are important become SO irrelevant SO quickly as a new mom.  The things that start to make you feel good and accomplished are much more simple: a startlingly loud belch from your recently fed baby, being able to place your son in his bed without him waking up, the small smiles that fleet across his face in his sleep...these are the moments and the events that matter.  His first smile and giggle will seize your heart and force you to have your camera phone at the ready at all times...

While I enjoyed and remember with fondness going out to the bar, travelling all over the world, living life minute to minute and doing anything we felt like at the drop of a hat, having this new person by my side growing and changing was worth the trade hands down.  Every day is not a blast, I have my days where I could pull out some hair (as if he hasn't already pulled out a ton of it!), but when I see that little boy in my arms, regardless of how trying the day, I feel blessed.

Please stay tuned for part 2 of my journey!  (the baby woke up, so this is where it ends!)

I would be more than thrilled to hear what your first few weeks were like with your newborn (goals abandoned or accomplished) or if you don't have kids yet, what you think life might be like!  Comment below, and feel free to share!